Wednesday, August 7, 2013

No really... thank you!

     Apparently I work with a bunch of board certified OB/GYNs and I didn't realize it.  They give such great advice... and I get to hear it day in and day out.  Lucky me.  I guess my Ivy League Educated OB was just talking out of her ass when she gave me my November due date because, according to my work-sperts, I am not going to make it past September.  Good thing I asked them!  Oh wait... I didn't?  Well, nothing is more appreciated than advice given by random folks I occasionally see in the hallway.

     Oh... and you are naming experts as well?  I had no idea!  I am also amazed that you find any time at all to impart your obviously superior wisdom upon poor, wandering, and clueless souls such as myself.  Where would we be, other than cavorting around as pelt-clad cretins who beat sticks against each other while desperately trying to make fire and hooting wordlessly at the moon, without your cerebral nuggets to lift us up to civilization and enlightenment?  And you don't like my name choices?  Well then... let me get right on that.

     And for the love of gawd, PLEASE tell me more about your horrific stone age birth experiences!  I want nothing more than to envision your blown out vagina circa 1950.  It helps... it really, REALLY does.  It also explains why 2 of your children are now habitual offenders as the drugs prescribed to you during your pregnancies that you are naming off  aren't even used by backwoods, wanna-be veterinarians anymore.  Truthfully, at least two of them are known to cause cancer....

     No really... thank you random work acquaintances,  for all your unwarranted and unlooked for advice in the elevator, in the bathroom, in the hallways... well... just everywhere I can't get away from you!  I love nothing more than discussing the state of my cervix or pooping the table with folks I have never said more than 5 words to consecutively.


9 comments:

  1. Things in heaven and on earth never seem to change...a world full of buttinskis and know it alls....breathe in and breathe out....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bahahahaha! I remember all of that! The part I hated most was when people told me how long they were in labor. I just didn't want to know that part, you know? To me, ignorance was bliss. There was one day that someone started to tell me "the worst labor story EVER" and I actually walked away. Did she think that would HELP me???

    Thanks for the laugh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People be craycray, sadistic effers when it comes to pregnant ladies. I HATE other peoples birth stories. It's like "I don't want to hear about Nam OR you time in L&D, okay?".

      Delete
  3. Thank you for sharing at the Thursday Favorite Things blog hop xo

    ReplyDelete
  4. aargh!! I feel for you! And it somehow never quite dies down!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that biting folks should be considered "justifiable self-defense"...

      Delete